My first love: a lesson or a blessing?

We met for a reason; either you’re a blessing or a lesson.

loveSome people come to our life very silently. We may not notice their part, until they become disappear from our lives. The same happened with my first lover too. Well, be frank, I still don’t know whether I can call it as a love story. It’s neither a tragedy story, nor have any happy ending! But one thing I know, She is the only one who comes to my mind when I about to think LOVE.

I met her when I was studying at my PUC. Like any other love story, we started with a whole day fight 😉 I hated her so much and my mission of PUC was to threaten her by words! But always, it’s become kind of “mission impossible 5”, because I was not knowing even her mission was almost same (actually bigger) towards me 😉 It went like world war throughout my first year (Be frank, I was attending PUC first year only for this and I got 98% attendance!).

So called vacation time came after that! Everyone is in enjoyment during those times and no exception for me 😉 But somehow I realized that, I’m missing ‘something’…couldn’t able to figure out what it is! A couple of days later, I realized that ‘something’ was a stupid girl I really want to fight with! I took the phone and called to her land phone number (don’t ask me how I got her number; it’s all part of the war 😉 ). Her mom picked up first. After a long time identification-come-interview process, mom hand over to her. Before I started to speak something, she started the war and last she told that even she was missing ‘something’ and found what it is during my call! I liked that statement, even we were at war 😉

We met after the vacation, but not ended up the phone calls! We stopped fighting after realized that, there is no point in that 🙂 We become friends followed by best buddies! We found time for sharing our thoughts and feelings after that, instead of simply stupid fought…

She started taking care me more after that, and of course me too 😉 But I did not know that, these all lead me to thinking a strange feeling. Yes, I realized I’m in love with her! Just like that. But I don’t know why I loved her!  I was so happy and all my worries become vanish when I talked to her. The whole second year of my PUC finished just like a month and sadly I came to know that on my farewell party 😦

The really sad part was I couldn’t even imagine that, I’m going to miss my friends and even her! I was totally confused. I was the only one person who knows I loved her! I wished to tell her that I sincerely love her but how? Nothing came to my mind, even a good dialogue from an English movie 😦 .

When our farewell party finished, she came to me. She about to say something to me, but I interrupted her talk and said “I love you”! Just like that. One simple word! But still, I couldn’t figure out how I said that to her, even now! She didn’t say anything at that time, except ‘see you tomorrow’. She slowly walks and fades from my eyesight. I thought to call her back and ask again, but I didn’t do that.

I came to my home. I was totally upset, but thankfully, my parents and brother didn’t ask anything. They knew farewell, gave me that upset, but, they did not know the one more reason behind that upset. I didn’t sleep well on that night, but somehow I woke up the next morning early and reached in my college very early. Sadly, she was absent on that day.

Without any surprises, I came to my home early and directly picked up the phone. I called her and on third attempt she picked up the call. The so called eager and tension made my voice harsh and dry. I started my genuine reasons and explanations. After all, I asked the main part, ‘Do you love me?’ After a couple of minute’s silence, she started from the other end. She literally murmured that “It’s not all about whether I or you loving, but it’s all about the fact that we can’t be together forever. We love our parents very much and we should realize that we are different. I need your friendship even after we left our college, but, your love is not even an option for me. Please understand that…” I didn’t get what she tried to explained, but I understood that, the answer is NO. Yes…my first love failed very nicely! I didn’t continue that conversation after that and even after…I thought that’s the end…without knowing it’s just the start to a bigger story…

We literally separated. No phone calls, no meeting and even after the PUC, I did not know where she joined too. I joined in my engineering after getting an adjustable mark in PUC. I slowly started to forget her…I knew it’s not that much easier, but I tried hard for that. I keep concentrating on my studies and wished I didn’t want to make the same mistakes of PUC life. Two years went very slowly…after two years, I got a call during exam vacation. Without giving any clue, I came to know it was her. I thought to shout very badly and shut the call, but I didn’t (or I couldn’t). It was just a casual call, but, after that somehow, we again start speaking. It continued even after my engineering life! During that time, she always told me about one of her senior guys. After a couple of calls I realized that she started loving that guy…Wow! She is in love, but not with me! I was happy to know that. She got a better person, of course. But I realized that when I about to asked about him, she changed the topic and comes to my life or our thoughts.

I was always curious to know that, why she called me again after that break up. But I was not ready to lose her again by just asking that. But it happened! One fine day, after I got the job, during the casual talk, I directly asked her that. She tried to change the topic, but I wanted to know that. After a couple of quests, she told me that “I loved you even before you saying to me. Since I knew it will not happen, I myself keep you away from that. I thought I was good in that, but again fall in love with him (other guy) somehow. I really don’t know what happened to me but, one thing I realized that, I can’t just avoid you, even him…” I didn’t respond to that long conversion for a while. Should I happy to know that she loved me? Should I bother that she loves him? And the big question what was next?

I finished up the call by usual good night and sweet dreams wishes. But I realized that, I was not happy even after she agreed that she loving me, though I wished to hear that long back! I also realized that I changed a lot after the PUC at that time! It’s not a love story anymore, but the confusion to whom she has to select. Well, this time I took the decision. It’s always better when they joined together (yes, I’m out again).   They are from the same profession, he is much better than me and moreover, I already passed the course of”feeling after the love failed”.

So only one doubt remains…how to stop this? Well, I can’t tell all these to her and of course she won’t stop even after. I found a solution to that too. I sent a long message to her number. She called me immediately, but I didn’t pick up the call. The conversion continued through several messages. All I said is that “stopping this conversation as well ‘friendship’. I want to change and if you continue to disturb me, I can’t do anything. So I’m stopping everything here, everything means everything…” As expected, I got many questions from her side. Some of them are very difficult to answer as compared to a job interview! I realized that she started hating me during these messages, but, I was happy to know that. I managed to keep standing in my words and after all, its end. The real end of an epic love!

After that, till now, I didn’t get any messages or missed calls from her…

It was not a tragedy story because no one loses any big things. It’s not even a happy story too, because no one is too much happy after all. This is a true story which tells the real life. It’s all about my first love! Well, in fact, this is the only one love till now. I don’t know whether my love gave me a good lesson or blessing. But I realized it’s not only happened to me, but to others too, even more or less away.

Are you one among them? Then Mark Your Presence…

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