Life can be crazy sometimes. It gives you mixture of feelings together and shows how difficult to take a decision on a particular time.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
― Allen Saunders
Well, I know the real meaning of the above quote. Sometimes I feel that the above quote is written only by seeing into my life 😛
My best friend’s marriage! The dream come true moment for all of our gang to show off that we are her best 🙂 . We are drastically different, unique six members…One gang, 3 guys and 3 girls, different attitude and personalities…but still we were always together. I really don’t know how we form a gang, but it happened! Just like that :O
All we know is to tease each other, whatever the case is being. Out of 5, one girl is my neighbour as well as best friend…she is the one who knows all my secret, hence, I always supported her while others tease her (else it will affect me badly you know 😉 ). We met rarely, but, each time we will make sure that, all meetings will be unique – sometimes because of the things which we eat or sometimes because of the things which we said 😛
And the day came with the most unique thing in our gang discussion. My best buddy is going to get married! Wow! That is going to be really awesome since that’s the first marriage, which is going to happen in our gang! Then all the discussion was about how we can show off in her marriage 😛 we knew that, many beautiful girls will be attending the marriage since she studied in girls “only” school 😀 . So it was our prestige moment (our means, we 3 poor boys 😀 ) and we will not miss it in any case.
Though we all had thought too much to prepare, it came all of a sudden. But, it was one of the best marriages that I have seen in my life 😉 . The happy moments…delicious food and awesome sweating photo posing. It was too good until I realized something…something which I never thought of…
Since we 6 are in different places now, we use to take important decisions through “Watsapp”. After that marriage, I have noticed something…Now all the 6 are not active in “Watsapp group chat”, its just 5 members who are taking the meeting place decision etc. One is always missing and is none other than my best buddy. We 5 always miss her after that more than the usual missing. She will come sometime in the virtual world, and then vanish all of a sudden. No messages…No missed calls…No Facebook…and nothing.
During a chat among we 5, I had put this matter forward. Then one of my friends told that it’s an usual case! After marriage, ladies will not keep relationship with their friends, especially if the friend belongs to a so called category “gentleman”. This is a general “must” have approached in South India, especially in Kerala (aka Gods Own Country!).
Wow! That was an embarrassing moment for me! We, the people of Kerala keep our friendship only up-to the marriage time! After that, communication or even smiling will not be there.
I asked the same to my Mom on the same day night. My Mom told me a wonderful reason! Mom told me that “After marriage, ladies should not talk to men, even if they were close friends because, it will lead to doubt on her by the husband’s family or even by her husband. The communications usually stop due to this belief and it continues in each and every marriage”.
The next immediate question from my side was “what about the husband? Whether he can continue the friendship?” Mom said “Yes. He can. But there also will be a limit”.
I really don’t know how many of us support this statement, but frankly, I cannot support it completely. I agree that after marriage, there will be a control in the friendship, even if it was a best friendship. I also agree that, after marriage, people cannot meet/chat as like how they were in college/school. But how can one say we should not communicate at all after the marriage?
In my personal experience, I usually discuss my sadness/frustration with my friends rather than my parents. Parents are parents and my parents are the best that I deserve. But we should not make them feel sad by telling the job related frustrations or the living conditions. They should be happy and we should contribute towards their happiness. So in my life, both parents and friends have their equal stands. Even if one friend is lost from my circle, it will badly affect me. So, you can think of how I felt when my best friend stopped the communication.
Think about a lady who tells happy moments of her parents and sadness/frustration with her friends. To whom will she tell her feelings, after marriage? Of course, not to her husband at the initial time, maybe later that can happen. I’m also going to marry someone soon or later. I always wish to have a very good friendship with her (that someone’s) friends. Just imagine how nice it will be to joining two friend circles together and cherish the moments 🙂 But, in present I don’t know why people are not thinking something like this…May be I can bring a change in my life, but how many will be able to change this mentality altogether? Only me?
The people who created this mentality never knew how it will affect a friendship. Almost all time friendship is the one which vanishes in front of other relationships. But, I felt really bad when this happened to me. Many men do care a lot about their friends. I personally do not differentiate friends based on gender discrimination. All are my friends and I care all in the same way 🙂 . So just imagine when you realize this care is just for up-to the marriage time and they just need a bodyguard as from their side 😦 . But,of course, my best friend may not be thinking in the same way, but she has to walk through the same mentality of the common society rules…may be in a forced way.
At 24, I know that there are many more similar situations on my way…but the only question is who will still continue this as a “common” practice and will support the same as it is?
Mark Your Presence 